And so it begins...

We were in Pasadena for New Years and I got to walk on the main campus of my new school. It was a great time for me because none of the hard work or worries of studying in seminary had begun yet and I felt like I was walking on air--as if nothing can stop me now!

For years I have written in my journal that a part of me has been standing off to the side, waiting her turn to emerge. She waited through the raising of a family, through the work I have done as a volunteer and through the crazy career attempts I have made in areas that didn't suit me at all. She stepped up a bit while I was serving as an elder, but even then she had to be patient with the "course marked out" for me as an elder. That role didn't fully call upon what (she and) I know I do best. Meanwhile, she keeps appearing in my journals as my desire to teach, write inspirationally, help people fall in love with their Bibles and inspire them to a vigorous, exciting walk with the Lord.

She is the part who argues when people say, "But you are already a Bible teacher, you already know how to write." She is the part who says, "No, I am NOT fully qualified yet. I need to be tested and challenged, I need to earn my way and get credentials that demonstrate that I am for real, a scholar who can be trusted with the Word of God".

She is the protester in me that will never give me rest until I get the degree I long to have, and until I have proven to myself that I am not just another person who THINKS she knows what the Bible says.

I revere scripture too much to be satisfied with what I know so far. I want to learn how to think critically and I want my theology challenged. I look forward to being taken apart and forced to give up my weak suppositions. I want to know, once and for all, whether I have what it takes to really learn what the Bible says and thus become a good Bible teacher.

This is not to say that I think that only people who go to seminary can know or teach the Bible. I don't think that at all! I have been taught by too many non-seminarians over the years not to respect what God can do with committed lay persons who faithfully study the Bible.

What I know is that I will never be satisfied that I can teach well until I have gone to seminary.

The picture above is the part of me that has been standing in the wings now throwing her arms into the air in pure joy. On December 31, 2008, standing under that sign at the Fuller campus, I felt myself integrate into being all of who I really am. All of the parts of me have come together at last.

I thank God that I have lived this long.

I thank God every single thing He has done in my life to bring me to this point, including the miraculous experience of being married and raising a family. Nothing in life could have prepared me better.

Psalm 119:68:

Lord, "You are good and what you do is good.

Teach me your statutes."