I Know!

A couple of weeks ago I was at our women's Bible study at CPC and we were singing when I had what Gerald Sittser calls a "waking dream". We were singing "Above All", which has the lines:

"Like a rose

trampled on the ground,

You took the fall

and thought of me

above all."

I was suddenly overcome with the image of Preston on the ground and my heart cried out silently,"Oh, Lord, that was Preston!" and in that moment, I forgot where I was and went off into the waking dream.

I felt like the Lord Jesus responded to my cry very gently, but urgently,

"I KNOW! I was there!"

For the next several minutes He and I had a conversation that has put some things into perspective for me.

As I thought through the scene at the accident I realized that there were at least three Believers present, Preston, Tara and the young woman driving the car, who is apparently a Christian youth worker from Washington. I was amazed to realize that these three people who wanted with all their hearts to serve the Lord found themselves in this circumstance.

And Jesus said,"I KNOW! They had no idea what was going to happen."

And I thought of all the re-writes this scene could have had that would have prevented the accident.

And Jesus said, "I KNOW, but those alternatives weren't in my plan."

I stood there, stunned, and considered this truth. I wasn't angry or upset, I was just stunned at the power of God to do what He chooses.

Then I remembered a blog entry Andy put up the week before. He talked about how the questions we ask God don't even make sense sometimes because we don't have enough information to frame appropriate questions. To God, our questions sound like, "What shape is yellow? Is it round or square?" or "How many hours are in a mile?" We mix up our facts and we don't know how to apply the right facts to the right situations.

The truth is that the Lord knew exactly what would happen and He let it happen. The facts that I am working with relate to Tara and her children being left "alone", when, in fact, they are more deeply in the palm of God's hand now than when Preston was with them. God has made special provision for widows and orphans in His Word because He cares so deeply for them. He promises to provide for them and He is.

Another fact relates to the grief we are all going through, but the Lord says, "Why is that a bad thing? Look at how you are growing through this! See what marvelous changes have happened in peoples' lives since the accident."

Another fact is that fear surges through all of us who remain here after such a tragedy and we are afraid of what might happen next to any of us. That seems like a hard way to live.

But the Lord says, "How will you ever know how much I am able love you and protect you if you never see Me in action? The thing Tara dreaded most happened, but I have not let her down. She has comfort even in her grief and I am meeting all of her needs. I have shown her that she belongs to Me, even more than she belonged to Preston."

Some of my Christian friends have refused to think that this accident was the Lord's doing. The facts don't line up with their perception of what God should be and do. I am now convinced that the Lord was in this and that He is revealing why and how He allowed it every day.

I KNOW I am a stronger believer because of this event. I KNOW I love Heaven more, that my faith in the goodness of the Lord has grown and that I love Him more than ever.

There was human error involved in this accident. The consequences were that an elk and a man lost their lives (I believe God cared about the elk, too) and at least three women found themselves bereft and weeping at the scene. Friends and family of those involved have carried a weight of care and sorrow in the days that have ensued.

But since then whole communities of believers have been touched and have mobilized to offer assistance. Many, many people have faced questions about their own relationship with God and taken action to make it right. Young believers are committing themselves to a lifetime of discipleship and are being guided by leaders who are more intent than ever on excellence in disciple-making.

I am not asking so many questions anymore because I know my questions don't make sense. I am now standing in awe of God and I am able to thank Him for the unthinkable, the unimaginable and the amazing things He allows and does.

Now I KNOW He is Lord of all.