Andy and I were talking a few days ago about how time passes and people worry about whether they are making good use of their lives. Have we done everything we wanted to do until now?And if not, how will we do better in the future? Most of us live with a slight edge of disappointment or regret when we think about our choices in life. We think about the other paths we could have taken, but didn't.
The next day I read part of a letter that a writer sent to a committee to explain why her writing assignment wasn't completed yet. She said that she had written a long, meandering draft of it, but it wasn't until the last paragraph that she finally discovered what she really wanted to write. Now she could toss the draft and write about what had appeared in the last paragraph. Oh, how I identify with that!
I think it is the latest paragraph of our lives that really matter. We do a lot of drafting of ideas along the way, but when we stop and look at the "last paragraph" we lived, quite often we find IT -- the thing we are really trying to say. Sometimes the trick is to realize that we are actually at the last paragraph of a line of thinking. For instance, I think Matt has been drafting stuff about working out and running, etc., for a while now. Then he "wrote a last paragraph" on his HTC run and now he has great new material to work with. Running went from a mental and physical discipline to a passion.
Instead of worrying about what we are doing with our lives everday, we might like to look at the way we live as writing a draft that is leading to an amazing paragraph. In that paragraph we will finally know what we are really trying to say about life.
I personally do a lot of "drafting", and not just at my drawing board. I have a big box of journals that have thousands of pages of drafts AND last paragraphs in them. Now I see how important they have been in helping me get to do what I really want to do in life.
It's OK to meander around for a while, drafting what you want to say. Eventually that last paragraph will appear and you will take off from there.
Day and Night
13 years ago
+of+100_5546.JPG)
3 comments:
Ha ha, "drafting" I feel is what makes up most of my existence... For every thousand sketches, maybe one becomes a real drawing. I had a dream once, I was swimming in warm, clear, turquoise colored water, and there were schools of dolphins whizzing by my dangling legs. When I ducked underwater and was looking around, the dolphins were accompanied by millions and millions of brilliant colored, stream-lined little fish. They rushed and slipped all around me and past me, as I put my hands out in the thick water to try and touch them, catch them. I barely brushed a few, and managed only to stroke the side of one dolphin. I feel my waking dreams and ideas and thoughts are like that...slipping by always in a thick stream, influencing my vision and feelings.
I used to get so frustrated, thinking, "All of my thoughts should have fruit!! All of them should come to exist!" Somehow, having to think about this dream helped me let go... The fish had a purpose, and life of their own. The fact that I was afloat among them, even for a moment, was momentous, let alone me actually reaching for them and being able to brush against one. I cannot live all lives, only one, my own. So, I will cherish what I do touch, what does come to be, and let all the rest pass on (to where-ever they need to school to?).
As I write this, I have mounds and mounds of fabric piled on my coffee table. That pile has been there for a good, oh, 2 hours+... Nothing has sprung from it, yet... But I'll post pics when it does. :)
Steph, It's time to listen to Tales of Brave Ulysses by Cream.
I hope you catch as many of those brilliant fish as possible.
gosh there sure hasn't been a new post here in a while
Post a Comment